Sunday November 7, 2008

YOU ARE THE NEXT OF KIN ©

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WELCOME, glad you could visit us, OUR TOPIC: "YOU ARE THE NEXT OF KIN" THIS CHAT WILL PROBABLY BE COPIED TO www.funeralserviceprofessional.com FOR ANYONE TO ENJOY LATER. Just a few rules for everyone: 1. USE ONLY PLAIN BLACK TEXT 2 DO NOT USE COMPANY NAMES 3 DISCRIMINATION IS NOT ALLOWED. If you would like chat reminders please send to: LOWELLMA@AOL.COM
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Host_John: evening folks
Host_John: we had snow here today (just a dusting)
shawn: 4 '' in toronto just north
Host_John: forcast is we are getting your colder air
Host_John: how cold is it there?
shawn: dam windy coldest day we had -10 last nite
shawn: C
Host_John: it is on it's way here to Lovely Lowell MA USA
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Host_John: what do you think of what you should do when you are the next of kin?
shawn: oil burner is going
Host_John: I can hear mine working away
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Host_John: I let my colleagues step in, I will do all much of the data and rolling out the plans
shawn: furnace oil 100 litre heard it dropped to 81 cents
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Host_John: as for the removal, embalming casketing I leave that up to my colleagues
Host_John: I am glad to see OIL prices dropping
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hrbeckham: Good evening all
shawn: gas 72 cents litre today
Host_John: hello Howard
hrbeckham: howdy
Host_John: howard what do you do when you are the next of kin
hrbeckham: $1.71.00 here
shawn: gallon?
hrbeckham: gallon
Host_John: that is gasoline Howard
Host_John: we were talking heating oil
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Host_John: howard is in Florida
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hrbeckham: I do not think I would get too involved with the detail, and would not try to run the service
Bem: Good Eveing all
Host_John: I got gas yesterday for $1.59 for regular
Host_John: Hello Bem
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Bem: hi John
Host_John: we are on gas prices
Host_John: how much in your town?
hrbeckham: Iwhen my Grandmother died, I did go back to the prep room made sure everything was satisfactury. I knew it would be. Other than that, I just did the "family thing"
Bem: 1.69 in Gardner
-.-: www.gasbuddy.com
ospaces: $1.57 net Super America, Lincolnshire, Il
-.-: can get prices for any town in any state
Host_John: OK.
Host_John: what do you do when you are the next of kin?
-.-: www.massachusettsgasprices.com
ospaces: I cannot change my habit of being the director
Host_John: so when your parents pass you will do the embalming?
ospaces: they are long gone, but Jewish tradition has other aspects tha I oversaw
Host_John: did you do the removal?
Host_John: Dress them?
Host_John: casket them?
Bem: no
Bem: that is when you have to turn to a fellow Professional that you trust and leave it in their hands
hrbeckham: It is common in the Jewish and Lds faith for family to wash and dress the body
Host_John: I think when we see a colleague having a loss, we should get to their funeralhome/mortuary and engage to help make the perfect funeral for your collegue
ospaces: i did ask one of the staff to help with the prep
Host_John: at no chage
Host_John: charge
hrbeckham: have hardly ever seen the no charge
ospaces: The Cheva Kaddisha, Holy Society comes and oversees the washing. I was able to asst with my father, not my mother
Host_John: set asside my differences for a few days
Bem: that has been my past experieence John
Host_John: that is how I think we should be Bem
Host_John: now if the guy/gal hates my guts Ill call to see if we can help, otherwize we just go over there
Bem: too many "old school " directors still out there
Host_John: how do you mean old school
hrbeckham: men assist with men, women with with women
ospaces: its the old school that continues to make the difference in family lives
Bem: rather see other Fd drown than send them a life raft
ospaces: john you are one of us
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Host_John: when my parents died, others came and ran the whole thing
hrbeckham: I still believe in funeral service Not funeral sales
Host_John: no one showboating most of my collegues particiated
Host_John: I do the same when I see a colleague loose a parent or spouse
Host_John: send the limo over for the funeral
Host_John: unless we are using it
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Host_John: I like to visit other funeral homes
Host_John: I learn a lot when I visit
Host_John: Howdy M
ospaces: the funeral market makes the difference in how colleagues treat each other....
licensedfd: Evening J
Host_John: ospaces did any of your colleagues help when your parents died?
ospaces: as a former owner, they were eager to help
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Host_John: that is good to hear
Host_John: I think it is a time to step back and let others do your job
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Bem: John same should be the case if there is a car accident or fire where one Funeral home gets many deaths,, we should offer our assistance
Bem: equipment ect
Host_John: I agree
Host_John: we had one of the local funeral homes have a fire
Host_John: we offered our building and facilites to help them out
fluidpusher: Mr. Beckham, nice article in the Yb News
Bem: great
Bem: ok got to run just recieved a first call
Host_John: I went back to work the day after my parents funeral, I think that was a mistake
Host_John: I should have taken a few days to myself
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hrbeckham: Thank you. Ogr picked it up for the current issue too
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POG70: I got called back 85 miles from my father's funeral to embalm a body
fluidpusher: I read that, and I said to myself, "I know that guy from the funeral chat!!!!
hrbeckham: I have been in Tallashassee most of last week to fight the changes
Host_John: shouldn't be that way POG
fluidpusher: I buried my mom in March, had a friend do all the preparation at his place and bring the casketed body to my funeral home.
POG70: No, but it happened. That was along time ago and I don't work there any more\
fluidpusher: I handled all the arrangements, and ran the funeral, along with my wife and all my brothers and sisters
Host_John: did they offer any kind of compassion POG?
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fluidpusher: We also had 4 or 5 other funerals that week. We took care of everyone.
POG70: Well, the head of the company came to the funeral, but he was the one who called me later to come in
Host_John: yes it does get busy but my colleagues handeled the other funeral for me
Host_John: Jeeze POG that is terrible
POG70: We had just gotten back to the house from the cemetery.
POG70: And there was another embalmer who could have done the work.
fluidpusher: I have seen hundreds of people laying dead on their kitchen floor, but when I walked in and saw my dad sitting next to my mother's body in their kitchen, that was different.
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hrbeckham: did they give you a reason why they called you back. Didn't they have anyone else?
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CK: i lost my mother in October last year i had to do everything threw the place i work then they handeled everything for me my sister told me that my mom wanted to be cremated i never new that so we used a place in florida what a joke that was i waited for almost a month to get the ashes back
CCowan: Hi, Everybody
POG70: They did have another available, but I'd only been working there 12 years
CK: i had to hold off for the memorial mass till november
Host_John: Hello CC
CCowan: Hey, John
CK: and i just lost my grandmother suddenly in aug
Host_John: it is not as easy as we think it is
Host_John: a sharp learing curve of what heart aches our clients have
Host_John: BRB
fluidpusher: Losing my mom made me a better funeral director
POG70: Having to deal with our own grief gives us a better perspective on our work with others
ospaces: Don't we as funeral directors have some understanding of the mourning process, which helps with our own grief and needs..or does it come with maturity
POG70: combination
CCowan: certainly would give a sense of empathy to an Fd
fluidpusher: I don't know about maturity, but I handled my mom's death a lot better at my age of 45 than if I had had to twenty years earlier
POG70: I was 71 when my mother died
fluidpusher: wow how old was your mom?
POG70: 102
fluidpusher: my grandpa was 103 when he died
CCowan: Bet she saw a lot in her lifetime
fluidpusher: you'll have to change your screen name to Pog105
POG70: She did
POG70: Lol. fp
POG70: Lately I've nor=ticed that at times I feel 105, I think
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POG70: nor=ticed was supposed to be noticed
CCowan: I understood you, Pog
POG70: thanks
POG70: Lots more people living to over 100 these days
mactj2: the oldest person i've embalmed was 109
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Host_John: much like walking into cold water, easier said than done, experiancesing a loss often makes a better funeral director
mactj2: broke the record of 104
Host_John: I watched Pres Elect Obama on Meet the Press this AM
CCowan: Is it harder to embalm these cases? Arteries and veins, what kind of shape are they in?
POG70: I saw an obit a while back for a lady a 100 or so, whose children had all died before her
Host_John: he sounds great, I hope he can turn this nation around
Host_John: POG we often see funerals where the children are in their 70's
mactj2: not bad at all
mactj2: very easy...very thin though
POG70: Cc, sometimes there are problems with circulation.but they are manageable
Host_John: the grandchildren run the funeral usually and we have to realize that these folks have never had a loss
CCowan: Thanks for the info, all
CCowan: just curious
POG70: Every body is unique, Cc
fluidpusher: cc i bury all the nuns at our local convent, they usually live to very old age, clean living, usually very easy to embalm, ha ha
CCowan: This is true, Pog
CCowan: each case must be different
POG70: yes
POG70: And two similar-appearing may have very different problems to deal with
CCowan: yeah, the nuns I know all live good lives
Host_John: good point Fluid, don't see the Nuns at McDonalds
POG70: Come to Tennessee, John
fluidpusher: they usually don't die of alcohol poisoning, either, ha ha
Host_John: we need their prayers
CCowan: you got that one right, John
Host_John: we had a convent next door to the funeral home until 1990
Host_John: we had a blast with those nuns
CCowan: they do all the sacrificing for us
Host_John: to piss off Sister Superior we would put cigarette butts in the ashtray of their car
CCowan: they usually have a pretty good outlook on life
Host_John: we would sit there and watch Sister Superior pull their beach wagon out and see her face when she smelled the cigarette butts
POG70: I'd dread their finding out who did that
Host_John: it was a laugh
fluidpusher: pretty easy funerals to perform, too. I don't charge them much at all, a minimum service charge, and merchandise at my cost.
Host_John: only nuns drove the car LOL
POG70: He didn't start recording until after his confession
CCowan: John did they ever find out
fluidpusher: they insist on paying me, so i make a small charge for my time, and merchandise at cost, and cash advances. They are very grateful, and I have received referral calls from them
Host_John: I think she figured it out
Host_John: she just kept the car locked after a while
Host_John: very nice of you Fluid
Host_John: back on topic in 12 minutes
fluidpusher: All we do is embalm and legal paperwork. visitation and funeral is in their chapel, and their cemetery is right behind the chapel, we walk/roll the casket to the grave. Very easy
POG70: hello, jsm
Host_John: they do like it simple, 100% their way
Host_John: we leave in convent overnight
fluidpusher: so do we, John
Host_John: we go to place of death
Host_John: nun's bed room
CCowan: the sisters probably keep a vigil?
Host_John: signs in the convent read "Silence".
Host_John: a real eye opener
fluidpusher: I joke with them that I am probably the only man in town who sees the nuns in their pajams in the middle of the night!!
Host_John: such a simple and devoted life to God
CCowan: that's the way they are, John, especially cloistered
Host_John: fluid they are all dressed when we get there
hrbeckham: they are to be treated with the highest respect
Host_John: now a daze we have to call the cops on the unexpected deaths
CCowan: they usually observe silence except for certain times of the day
Host_John: the police chief comes himself
Host_John: very respetful
CCowan: God Bless the chief
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Host_John: they are a nice group of women, and make a great sandwich
fluidpusher: our nuns had my wife on their prayer list when she was studying for her fd exam
CCowan: can you guys embalm without removing a lot of their clothing
fluidpusher: They always feed us very well after the funeral
Host_John: yes it is cool when you need prayers to dial them up
CCowan: modesty comes into play here
fluidpusher: Cc I embalm the nuns like I do anyone else, bare naked.
Host_John: they have a much better connection with the Lord
fluidpusher: Same with the priests, same as anyone else
CCowan: ok
Host_John: we keep the nun covered as much as possible
POG70: Some of us use modesty shields\
CCowan: just curious again
hrbeckham: modesty shilds
Host_John: I am with you POG
POG70: like sheets and towels
Jaycofd: I use a towel on everyone
fluidpusher: Two of our nuns always come to dress the body at the funeral home
fluidpusher: I could do it quicker myself, but...
Host_John: sheese fluid you should keep them covered
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fluidpusher: They will then help me casket the body.
CCowan: thanks for doing that, I believe they can see you from above and observe what's going on
POG70: An older fd told me of nuns in his town standing by the embalming table during the embalming
POG70: I cover everyone
Host_John: come judgement day I am in enough trouble, we are as respectful as we can be with clergy
Host_John: those were the old days POG
Host_John: no one observes these days
fluidpusher: I've never had anyone observe here, either
CCowan: that's the sad thing, John
Host_John: by that I mean watch embalming
POG70: Right, John. I never had to deal with their being in the room with me
CCowan: Ok
Host_John: like POG we keep everyone covered
POG70: They do the dressing, though
Host_John: it comes in training
Host_John: that is how I learned it and pass it on
hrbeckham: we would not allow non funeral staff in prep
fluidpusher: I have the underclothing on, they call them the essentials, before they come to dress.
fluidpusher: Cosmetics done, too
Jaycofd: I have been that way since I started, 30 years, a towel is cheap respect
CCowan: depending on the order they belong to, it probably is a tradition
Host_John: prep room is locked with coded lock
Host_John: only licensed people have their own code
Host_John: no license no code
fluidpusher: Is your prep room on the first floor, and easily accessible, John?
hrbeckham: well time for bed God bless you all. God bless & protect America
Jaycofd: nite hr
Host_John: yes on the first floor
Host_John: night Howard
Host_John: good to see you
hrbeckham: Remember Pearl Harbor!
POG70: Tennessee state board recently fined a fh $ 1000 for not having a lock on prep room door
Host_John: Yes
hrbeckham: good night!
fluidpusher: Would it be easy for a lay person to get inside without the lock on the door?
W.B.Williams: later hrbeckham
Host_John: Rember pearl harbor
CCowan: Niters,hr
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Host_John: BACK ON TOPIC NOW, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE THE NEXT OF KIN?
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POG70: The Pearl Harbor article was on page four today
Host_John: as I said previously, I step back and let my colleagues handle the removal, embalming any and all physical aspects of my loss
Jaycofd: I let them handle it all
Jaycofd: you can be too close
Host_John: as for planning the funeral I will lay out the guidelines and let colleagues carry out the plan
jsmack5: as do I john... just went through this experience a month ago
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Host_John: what did you do Jsmack?
Jaycofd: 20 years ago my mother-in-law died
Jaycofd: the fh handled it all
jsmack5: the planning and direction i handled myself.....
Jaycofd: I gave the the vital statistics
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Jaycofd: did the car list
Jaycofd: and they handled it all
Jaycofd: if they had a question they came to me or my wife
jsmack5: i made all the arrangements.... directed the funeral... did prayers.... everything sxcept prep
Host_John: who had died Jsmack?
jsmack5: my 47 yo brother
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Host_John: one of the chatters here embalmed his mother
CCowan: i think it would be kind of hard to prep your own
Host_John: to each his own
Jaycofd: not me I would not do that
CCowan: Brave on their part
jsmack5: I dont think i could.... I know I could not do that
Jaycofd: I emblamed my aunt, that was close enough
Host_John: emotionally I know there are so many details that I take a step back
CCowan: i don't know if I could do that
Jaycofd: it is too hard to be objective
Host_John: when my daughter died I was no involved with anything
Host_John: emotionaly I was spent
CCowan: that would be too emotional John
Host_John: difficult enough to even show up for the funeral
jsmack5: so sorry, John. I can imagine youwere devasted
CCowan: how old was she John
Host_John: it was a very bad time
Host_John: she was our first and only two weeks old
CCowan: awfully sorry for your loss John
Host_John: very unexpected
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Jaycofd: I do not want to bury any of my kids
david1990: Hello all
Host_John: it was a long time ago
Jaycofd: that would be too much
CCowan: you shouldn't have to bury your kids
jsmack5: you are not supposed to
Host_John: hello David
Host_John: I learned a lot about child loss that year
CCowan: Hey, David
jsmack5: but they say only the good die young... so....lol
CCowan: Lol js
Host_John: it looks like funeral professials participate to different degrees
Host_John: do you help other funeralhomes/mortuarys when they have a family loss?
CCowan: would depend on how close you were to the relative/kin
Jaycofd: yes I have
Jaycofd: I do what they ask
jsmack5: when my brother dies, my sister in law called the local Fd in their town...then asked me to go to make the arrangements with her. I arrived early and talked to the funeral director... when i explained it was my brother.... without hesitating... he turned the entire funeral over to me and let me us
Host_John: a good guy
jsmack5: definitely
Host_John: we ask if Funeral Professionals in the family want to participate
jsmack5: I didnt ask him to give me the funeral...
POG70: I've handled the funerals for most of the deaths in my family and my wife's
jsmack5: I was looking to maybe take care of the casket ... and he said... your family... your funeral....
Host_John: we had two grandsons, very greatful they could take the casket in church and their boss was angered that they helped on the funeral at all
Host_John: some guys in our profession are jerks
jsmack5: very true John.... I work for one...lol
POG70: You can say that again!
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jsmack5: My brothers funeral cost me 3 vacation days
Host_John: a good time for a Age, Gender, Location check please
Host_John: 60, M, Lovely Lowell Massachusetts USA
POG70: <105, M, Tenn\
POG70: ooops...72
W.B.Williams: 50 Male oklahoma norman
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jsmack5: 55, M, Long Island, Ny
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Jaycofd: 47, male, Syracuse, Ny
POG70: pinhead is back\
david1990: 18/male/ Il
jsmack5: where in Tenn, Pog
CCowan: 54, f, mi
digr4u2: 47,f, Louisville,ky
POG70: Kingston
mort302: 52, M Jax, Fl
jsmack5: had family in Nashville...hermitage actually
Jaycofd: I have family in Knoxville
POG70: went to gupton in nashville
POG70: I go to knoxville fairly often...about 20 minutes\
jsmack5: anybody know Cpr... looks like john flatlined
CCowan: not too many times he does that
CCowan: maybe gotta call
CCowan: you never know in this trade
POG70: That's his recording marker
jsmack5: really?
POG70: He either started it or stopped it at that point
jsmack5: oh ok .. thanks pog
jsmack5: hope he stopped...lol
POG70: Lol
CCowan: he's back
Host_John: we are running out of time here, so any concluding thoughts on tonights topic?
POG70: What's the name of the convent. We might have some information for them
digr4u2: I did almost all the work on my Mom, my step-mom and other family
CCowan: I would step back
jsmack5: just that even though we deal with this stuff everyday.... it is still very difficult when it is a loved one.
POG70: But I would not want to not do it
digr4u2: I felt like I was doing something at a time when you just don't know what else to do?
Host_John: dig did you feel better for participating at the level you choose
Host_John: or did you think you would do a better job?
CCowan: i'd be involved in some way but I don't think prepping would be it
digr4u2: yeah, I felt like I would do a better job
Host_John: I understand
POG70: And I'd say you did\
Host_John: I agree POG
digr4u2: she always teased and said she wanted me to fix her, she wanted to see how much nerve I had
POG70: You showed her
CCowan: good 4 u digr
digr4u2: I have done quite a few close family members
Host_John: most of the women I know in our Profession are pretty courageous
digr4u2: have a very large family
CCowan: how many sibs digr
POG70: I chickened out on fixing my mother's hair. For once, I let the hairdresser do it
CCowan: i'm have 6
digr4u2: only , who is deceased, but mom had 10 bro & sis
CCowan: i have 6 sibs that is
digr4u2: I had only 1
jsmack5: I am one of ten....
POG70: one sib
CCowan: my Mom's sister had 14 kids
jsmack5: down to eight now
digr4u2: and her sisters had 10 kids too, so lots of aunts, anc cousins, mom was the last in her family to go,
POG70: big,big families\
jsmack5: mom and dad... still kickin... 85 and 82
digr4u2: she passed at 87
CCowan: wow js
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POG70: 85 is not all that old
POG70: \
digr4u2: did my Mother in law, and step mom, and hubby's grandmother too
CCowan: you go Pog
POG70: I'm on the way Cc
CCowan: not that way
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POG70: ok
CCowan: i mean keep on kickin
jsmack5: no its not... dad is still secretary of his volunteer fire company
POG70: I understood you that way
CCowan: that's awesome js
CCowan: thank you
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jsmack5: yah it is....
CCowan: i still believe what my Mom says, you have to keep active
POG70: I once knew an jndertaker who wore a string bow tie; do you?
Host_John: bow tie is unique
CCowan: and the mind and body stay with you a little longer
digr4u2: I think having done close family members, makes it easier to conect with family members who have lost someone close
Host_John: I agee Dig
POG70: you are right, digr
W.B.Williams: agrred digru4u2
CCowan: you have a point digr
Host_John: you can empathise much more
Host_John: OPEN FORUM FUNERAL CHATTER UNTIL NEXT TIME